OTONYO/AUTUMN in NEW HAVEN

This year, I've had the most picturesque autumn in my life. Thanks to the trees in New Haven. They were all stunning! Here; i show you my favorite ones on my way from home to school.


The tree above has covered the ground with beautiful yellow leaves... It managed to surprise me every morning when I turn the last corner!
This tree looked like as if it caught fire . It was a windy day and its leaves looked like a flame. And I wasn't wearing my eyeglasses...

My office view! Such a bright yellow (above)


Isn't this colour amazing? Again with some of the leaves on the ground. It looks like someone has painted it.

mi portatil esta muerto estoy en el luto

my laptop died I am super sad

Productivo!

Hoy, he comprado de segunda mano:

-- Una alfombra con diseno de un mapa de una ciudad.
-- Una almohada
-- Una manta
-- Una cortina
-- Un cable
-- Un hilo
-- 2 clavos.

He lavado la alfombra.
Luego he lavado almohada y la manta
y he atado el cable y el hilo a una ventana y por otro lado a una puerta de un armario...
He colgado la alfombra encima del cable y la manta encima del hilo para secarles.
He clavado 2 clavos al pared.
Y he colgado la cortina.

Y todo me costo 6 horas!!!!
Adios domingo!

introduction to social-psychology I

I have tried to organize a barbecue party this weekend. Frankly speaking, I don't like eating meat and I don't like preparing a barbecue. It was the idea of a group of friends I've met recently here at Yale. While they (8-9 people) were talking about the possible places for a BBQ, I offered my backyard and the barbecue I have there. They said they felt happy and they were excited about it. So we agreed that I was going to email a reminder with my address if the weather is going to be nice on Sunday. Consequently, on Friday night, I wrote an email to a broader group of people (a list of containing 40-50 people from the Yale/MSA) reminding about the BBQ. And I requested their RSVP as soon as possible. The result is only ONE reply and she was not so sure if she could come! And she is Turkish!

Honestly, I feel relieved because it means less hassle for me. Backyard, kitchen and bathroom cleaning before and after the party could be a lot of effort. I don't like barbecues anyways. I would also feel indebted to my upstairs neighbors that they are letting me use the backyard and the barbecue. I am glad that I am free from all now. Moreover, I shouldn't care much about the fact that no one replied because after all, I notified people only 1-2 days in advance. I should have let them know earlier. Last but not the least; I don't even know most of their names!!!

So why do I care about this unsuccessful BBQ organization and write it here? Because I have learned one important lesson about what some people in this side of Atlantic say and what actually they mean. Something I should have learned in 2006.

Regarding to BBQ … Although, it was not my idea and I thought I was just being nice to offer my backyard, I was stuck with all the failure!!

Before writing this post, I mentioned to a few people that I had no replies so I was canceling it. Guess what I got? They said- I am sure with good intentions- "may be it wasn't a good idea this weekend, why didn't you consider postponing it?" Stupidly, I could only say "yea, it is sad that no one was interested." Then, I realized that my reply strangely made me look like a loser and immediately I got people's pity: “Oh, I am sorry that no one wanted to come to your BBQ party!" “Don’t worry! It is always like this here. It is hard to organize something, I am sorry for you “and even they told me "why don't you next week organize something smaller? May be something with less hassle for you, a few drinks and we will come".

I wanted to tell them that I don't care at all, indeed! My courtesy has already eroded in different ways in Barcelona but I feel like I have a long way to go here.

Actually, I was already annoyed by an attitude which is kind of similar but MUCH WORSE in degree when I was at Princeton: In the first weeks I was constantly meeting many new people and I was being received with an huge enthusiasm (strangely!!):

Person x: Oh, so you come from Barcelona? I have stayed there three months. I love the city, I am glad that I met you. We should definitely have a dinner or a lunch together!!
capdeturc: Oh sure, I am around here for three months. Let me know whenever you are available.
...................
Person y: Oh, So you are Turkish, you know my boyfriend is Turkish. I lived in Istanbul... You guys should definitely meet! We should have a coffee and I'd like to practice my Turkish also!!!
capdeturc: Yes, great! My office is next to yours whenever you want.
...............
Person z: We study something very similar, we should definitely come together and talk about our research. I am very happy to see someone else is also interested in this subject!!
capdeturc: Sure just email me here's my email address and my office is down stairs you can also pass by...


Well, two months later, I haven't had even a 5-minute coffee break with any of those people to whom I saw almost every day. Soon I realized that I had only a few weeks left and I was getting busier. So I started asking people whether they want to have lunch or coffee breaks following up what they have said. I got either no reply or some excuses... During those three months, I never got an invitation for anything but just one party.

capdeturc: I am going to give a 10 minutes coffee break would you like to join me so you can practice some Turkish (Am I saying something wrong here?) ?
Person y: Hmm, I can't now, (with a face gesture clearly overwhelmed with the busy calender) Is next Tuesday 5 o'clock good for you?

capdeturc: Hey, you said that we do research on similar things. Do you want send me your stuff or meet to talk about them?
Person z:Well, I am busy but if you are so interested in my work (His ego grows here!), I can email you when you are back to Barcelona.

Can you hear the tone in these replies? So patronizing! When I started asking them about coffee time, they made it a huge deal! If you are asking these people's time, then you are left to their mercy! If they feel sufficiently sorry for you, they can spare a coffee time next week for you!

Another time someone offered me a sightseeing in Philadelphia "whenever I want". Then once we set the date she gave me so many excuses and so little time for sightseeing almost it was clear that she regretted her offer... Another person wanted to write a paper with me, never wrote me even an email... etc etc.

So I complained about this pattern to a bunch of extremely careful and nice American friends of mine at Princeton. It could be all cultural. Two of them clearly said "When people say that they would like to have dinner with you, it doesn't mean that they are going to do! They might not even put an effort to make it real, they just say those things to please you at that moment". Good to know, isn't it?

And I just noticed that similarly people said it would be great to have BBQ on this weekend. And no one wrote to confirm later!

Then, what it all boils down to?

"Don't act on what people say that they would like to do until you see them doing it actually! "

A social scientist's note: I haven't observed such a fake enthusiasm among the older faculty or friends in general. Can it be an age- cohort issue?

-- UPDATE--
Three nice people while I was writing this post, send me emails saying that they want to come to the BBQ. I think it would be unfair if I didn't make this disclaimer.

Iki film birden, javier bardem...

Gecen hafta bu iki filme birden arka arkaya gittim... Ikisini de sevdim.

Vicky Christina Barcelona'ya gitmek benim icin su iki sebeten dolayi farz olmustu:

1. Birincisi, adi ustunde, film Barselona'da geciyor ve ben coktaaan oraya ait bircok seyi ozlemeye basladim. Barselona'yla ilgili hersey nostaljik ve guzel geliyor su gunlerde. Bir yerden ayrilma sendromu da olabilir bu... Turkiye'den de ilk ayrilidigim sirlarda Istanbul (ve Turkiye) ile ilgili ne varsa izliyor, her turlu turkce muzik kulagima hos geliyordu... Hatta uzerinden bir sene gecmesine ragmen UZAK filmine bile 3 kere gitmistim (Ne kadar guzel olursa olsunlar normal bir insan NBCeylan filmlerini 3 kere ayni ay icinde arka arkaya izleyemez gibi geliyor).
   
2. Ikincisi, Woody Allen bu filmi cektigi siralarda universitemizden onur doktorasi (fahri doktora) almisti... Ben de "Audiovisiual ve Communicacion" bolumundeki dersimi iptal edip ogrencileri Woody Allen'i gormeye yollamistim... Zaten yarisi sinemaci, televizyoncu olacak gencleri tutmak ne mumkundu o gun... Bu sebeten dolayi Woody Allen'a tesekkur borcum vardi.

Gittim bu filme burada ve odedim borcumu 8 dolara... Salonda benden baska da 3 kisi daha vardi.. Portekizlilerdi ... Neyse filmin yarisinda film makinesi kaydi ve biz bir 5 dakika ekranin yarisini gorebildik... Aktorlerin kafalarinin yarisini filan... Tamir edilene kadar mola verdik... Sinema cok soguk ve salon gereginden cok aydinlikti... Patlamis misir cok yagli ve ben yalnizdim. Buna ragmen verdigim paraya degdi mi? degdi! Penelope Cruz'un tekrar tekrar ingilizce den ispanyolcaya gecmesi Javier Bardem'in sacma sapan "ingilizce lutfen" diye diretmesi, bunlarin krizleri ... ama en cok ispanyolca diyaloglar... baskalarina tuhaf gelebilir ama butun o jest, mimikler, vurgulama deyimler tepkiler o kadar tanidikti ki... bir iki saatligine kendimi tekrar Barselona'da, arkadaslarla beraber hissettim.

Ertesi gun de Coen kardeslerin "burn after reading"
isimli komedyasini izlemeye gittim. Buna tamamen plansiz bir sekilde burada tanidigim bir grubun pesine takilarak gittim. Film hakkinda hicbir beklentiye sahip degildim. VE cok ama cok sevdim.. Cok guldum, cok eglendim... Oyunculuklar sahane.. Sacmaliklar da sahane... Fargo'yu da zamaninda iki super arkadasla beraber Konya'da yeni acilan bir sinemada, beklentisiz ve tesadufen girip izlemistik. O zaman da hayran ve hasta olup cikmistik. Ben Coen kardeslerin filmelrini de oyle her zaman cok sevmiyorum. "No country for old men" fena degilmis deyip gectigim bir filmdi. Javier Bardem orada da oldugu icin Ispanya'da salon tiklim tiklim izlemistim. "O brother where are thou? " dan ise cok hoslanmamistim. Ancak bu filmi de Fargo gibi sevdim cunku benzer bir temaydi.... Oncelikle bunlar cok siradan insanlar arasinda geciyor. Cok ufak uyduruk heveslerin, hesaplarin, planlarini yapiyorlar, kafa yoruyorlar... Hepsinin hayatta elde etmek istedikleri, ufak tefek ruyalari var ancak hersey cok cabuk kontrolden cikip buyuk anlasilmaz sonuclar dogurabiliyor (spoiler)... Film uzerine dusunuyor insan acaba 11 eylul'u falan da anlayamamizin sebebi, onun da aslinda boyle bir alay sacmaligin zincirleme reaksiyonundan kaynaklaniyor olmasi olabilir mi? Francis McDormand fargo'da da basroldeydi, bu filmde de...

Buraya yazmadan gecemeyecegim. Barselona'da bir tercume ofisi icin calisirken bir is almistim. Bir kac tane kacak Turk bir Ispanyol gemisinde yakalanmis ve Tarragona limaninda sorgunlanmalari sirasinda bir tercumana ihtiyac duyulmustu. Polisle birlikte karsimda Mersin limanindan kimyasal yuk tasiyan gemiyle "Almanya'ya akrabalarinin yanina gitmek" derdinde olan 3 amcaoglunu buldum. Ikisi askerligini yeni yapmis biri 30 'un az ustunde... Korkmus, yorgun ve uzun sure kimyasal maddelerin yaninda kalmis olmaktan yari baygin haldelerdi. Gemi sahibi bana dehset verici birseyden bahsetti. Bir cok armator kacaklari ulkelerine iade etmenin masrafli olmasi sebebiyle (4 kacak yolcu icin 25 bin euro gibi bir miktardan soz etti) kaptana 3-5 bin euro vererek kacak yolculari gizlice denize attirdigindan bahsetti. Bunun aslinda ozellikle Afrika'dan gelen gemilerde ne kadar yaygin oldugundan ancak kendisinin ne kadar vicdanli olup boyle birsey yapmadigindan da bahsetti. Keske yapsam der gibiydi...

Bu Turkler de bu filmdekiler gibi... ufak hayallerin pesinde ne buyuk riskler aldiklarinin farkinda bile degiller... Nufus cudanlari ve butun belgelerini duzgunce saklamislar... Iade edilmeleri kolay olsun ister gibi...

... estoy acabando, de nuevo empezando la vida otra vez....

Bueno, he empezado a una nueva vida en EEUU (hoy) hace exactamente tres semanas en el barrio (mira las fotos) de abajo y en la planta baja de esta casa. Gracias a dios, muchos de mis amigos se preocuparon por mí llegada y me enviaron correos electrónicos preguntando como estoy. No les he podido contestar porque estaba demasiado ocupado con la burocracia. ... Lo típico mio, estaba ocupado especialmente con sacar un numero de seguridad social, seguro de sanidad y tarjeta sanidad, una nueva cuenta bancario, pasar por oficina de impuestos, dar de alta la luz, y gas, nuevo correo electrónicos, tarjeta de universidad, contraseñas, cuentas de servidores, las llaves de casa, las llaves de despacho, numero de teléfono y un teléfono móvil, apuntarme a gimnasio, a los seminarios en el departamento de economía, a blockbuster... y firmar contrato de alquiler, comprar algunos muebles (segunda mano y "aikella", claro). Bueno en fin… los primeros semanas además del trabajo estaba muy ocupado con todo esto… Lo siento por no poder contestar a vuestros mensajes. Y gracias por preguntar como estoy, aqui esta la respuesta...

La Casa y el Barrio

This is my house in "a peaceful" American neighborhood.

(Click on the pictures to enlarge)
The area is as American as it can get. The whole neighborhood is just like in our childhood TV shows: I live next to the house with the American flag behind the trees (in the picture on the bottom left). In that house, god knows "who's the boss?" but in the one next to it, I know that "Charles in Charge". Alf lives at the end of the road, next to the full house. They say "golden girls" used to live here before they moved to other side, well, to Florida...
My neighbors told me that about a hundred years ago, my flat was a bar. Isn't it cool?... may be it isn't