mi portatil esta muerto estoy en el luto
my laptop died I am super sad
my laptop died I am super sad
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Productivo!
Hoy, he comprado de segunda mano:
-- Una alfombra con diseno de un mapa de una ciudad.
-- Una almohada
-- Una manta
-- Una cortina
-- Un cable
-- Un hilo
-- 2 clavos.
He lavado la alfombra.
Luego he lavado almohada y la manta
y he atado el cable y el hilo a una ventana y por otro lado a una puerta de un armario...
He colgado la alfombra encima del cable y la manta encima del hilo para secarles.
He clavado 2 clavos al pared.
Y he colgado la cortina.
Y todo me costo 6 horas!!!!
Adios domingo!
-- Una alfombra con diseno de un mapa de una ciudad.
-- Una almohada
-- Una manta
-- Una cortina
-- Un cable
-- Un hilo
-- 2 clavos.
He lavado la alfombra.
Luego he lavado almohada y la manta
y he atado el cable y el hilo a una ventana y por otro lado a una puerta de un armario...
He colgado la alfombra encima del cable y la manta encima del hilo para secarles.
He clavado 2 clavos al pared.
Y he colgado la cortina.
Y todo me costo 6 horas!!!!
Adios domingo!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
introduction to social-psychology I
I have tried to organize a barbecue party this weekend. Frankly speaking, I don't like eating meat and I don't like preparing a barbecue. It was the idea of a group of friends I've met recently here at Yale. While they (8-9 people) were talking about the possible places for a BBQ, I offered my backyard and the barbecue I have there. They said they felt happy and they were excited about it. So we agreed that I was going to email a reminder with my address if the weather is going to be nice on Sunday. Consequently, on Friday night, I wrote an email to a broader group of people (a list of containing 40-50 people from the Yale/MSA) reminding about the BBQ. And I requested their RSVP as soon as possible. The result is only ONE reply and she was not so sure if she could come! And she is Turkish!
Honestly, I feel relieved because it means less hassle for me. Backyard, kitchen and bathroom cleaning before and after the party could be a lot of effort. I don't like barbecues anyways. I would also feel indebted to my upstairs neighbors that they are letting me use the backyard and the barbecue. I am glad that I am free from all now. Moreover, I shouldn't care much about the fact that no one replied because after all, I notified people only 1-2 days in advance. I should have let them know earlier. Last but not the least; I don't even know most of their names!!!
So why do I care about this unsuccessful BBQ organization and write it here? Because I have learned one important lesson about what some people in this side of Atlantic say and what actually they mean. Something I should have learned in 2006.
Regarding to BBQ … Although, it was not my idea and I thought I was just being nice to offer my backyard, I was stuck with all the failure!!
Before writing this post, I mentioned to a few people that I had no replies so I was canceling it. Guess what I got? They said- I am sure with good intentions- "may be it wasn't a good idea this weekend, why didn't you consider postponing it?" Stupidly, I could only say "yea, it is sad that no one was interested." Then, I realized that my reply strangely made me look like a loser and immediately I got people's pity: “Oh, I am sorry that no one wanted to come to your BBQ party!" “Don’t worry! It is always like this here. It is hard to organize something, I am sorry for you “and even they told me "why don't you next week organize something smaller? May be something with less hassle for you, a few drinks and we will come".
I wanted to tell them that I don't care at all, indeed! My courtesy has already eroded in different ways in Barcelona but I feel like I have a long way to go here.
Actually, I was already annoyed by an attitude which is kind of similar but MUCH WORSE in degree when I was at Princeton: In the first weeks I was constantly meeting many new people and I was being received with an huge enthusiasm (strangely!!):
Person x: Oh, so you come from Barcelona? I have stayed there three months. I love the city, I am glad that I met you. We should definitely have a dinner or a lunch together!!
capdeturc: Oh sure, I am around here for three months. Let me know whenever you are available.
...................
Person y: Oh, So you are Turkish, you know my boyfriend is Turkish. I lived in Istanbul... You guys should definitely meet! We should have a coffee and I'd like to practice my Turkish also!!!
capdeturc: Yes, great! My office is next to yours whenever you want.
...............
Person z: We study something very similar, we should definitely come together and talk about our research. I am very happy to see someone else is also interested in this subject!!
capdeturc: Sure just email me here's my email address and my office is down stairs you can also pass by...
Well, two months later, I haven't had even a 5-minute coffee break with any of those people to whom I saw almost every day. Soon I realized that I had only a few weeks left and I was getting busier. So I started asking people whether they want to have lunch or coffee breaks following up what they have said. I got either no reply or some excuses... During those three months, I never got an invitation for anything but just one party.
capdeturc: I am going to give a 10 minutes coffee break would you like to join me so you can practice some Turkish (Am I saying something wrong here?) ?
Person y: Hmm, I can't now, (with a face gesture clearly overwhelmed with the busy calender) Is next Tuesday 5 o'clock good for you?
capdeturc: Hey, you said that we do research on similar things. Do you want send me your stuff or meet to talk about them?
Person z:Well, I am busy but if you are so interested in my work (His ego grows here!), I can email you when you are back to Barcelona.
Can you hear the tone in these replies? So patronizing! When I started asking them about coffee time, they made it a huge deal! If you are asking these people's time, then you are left to their mercy! If they feel sufficiently sorry for you, they can spare a coffee time next week for you!
Another time someone offered me a sightseeing in Philadelphia "whenever I want". Then once we set the date she gave me so many excuses and so little time for sightseeing almost it was clear that she regretted her offer... Another person wanted to write a paper with me, never wrote me even an email... etc etc.
So I complained about this pattern to a bunch of extremely careful and nice American friends of mine at Princeton. It could be all cultural. Two of them clearly said "When people say that they would like to have dinner with you, it doesn't mean that they are going to do! They might not even put an effort to make it real, they just say those things to please you at that moment". Good to know, isn't it?
And I just noticed that similarly people said it would be great to have BBQ on this weekend. And no one wrote to confirm later!
Then, what it all boils down to?
"Don't act on what people say that they would like to do until you see them doing it actually! "
A social scientist's note: I haven't observed such a fake enthusiasm among the older faculty or friends in general. Can it be an age- cohort issue?
-- UPDATE--
Three nice people while I was writing this post, send me emails saying that they want to come to the BBQ. I think it would be unfair if I didn't make this disclaimer.
Honestly, I feel relieved because it means less hassle for me. Backyard, kitchen and bathroom cleaning before and after the party could be a lot of effort. I don't like barbecues anyways. I would also feel indebted to my upstairs neighbors that they are letting me use the backyard and the barbecue. I am glad that I am free from all now. Moreover, I shouldn't care much about the fact that no one replied because after all, I notified people only 1-2 days in advance. I should have let them know earlier. Last but not the least; I don't even know most of their names!!!
So why do I care about this unsuccessful BBQ organization and write it here? Because I have learned one important lesson about what some people in this side of Atlantic say and what actually they mean. Something I should have learned in 2006.
Regarding to BBQ … Although, it was not my idea and I thought I was just being nice to offer my backyard, I was stuck with all the failure!!
Before writing this post, I mentioned to a few people that I had no replies so I was canceling it. Guess what I got? They said- I am sure with good intentions- "may be it wasn't a good idea this weekend, why didn't you consider postponing it?" Stupidly, I could only say "yea, it is sad that no one was interested." Then, I realized that my reply strangely made me look like a loser and immediately I got people's pity: “Oh, I am sorry that no one wanted to come to your BBQ party!" “Don’t worry! It is always like this here. It is hard to organize something, I am sorry for you “and even they told me "why don't you next week organize something smaller? May be something with less hassle for you, a few drinks and we will come".
I wanted to tell them that I don't care at all, indeed! My courtesy has already eroded in different ways in Barcelona but I feel like I have a long way to go here.
Actually, I was already annoyed by an attitude which is kind of similar but MUCH WORSE in degree when I was at Princeton: In the first weeks I was constantly meeting many new people and I was being received with an huge enthusiasm (strangely!!):
Person x: Oh, so you come from Barcelona? I have stayed there three months. I love the city, I am glad that I met you. We should definitely have a dinner or a lunch together!!
capdeturc: Oh sure, I am around here for three months. Let me know whenever you are available.
...................
Person y: Oh, So you are Turkish, you know my boyfriend is Turkish. I lived in Istanbul... You guys should definitely meet! We should have a coffee and I'd like to practice my Turkish also!!!
capdeturc: Yes, great! My office is next to yours whenever you want.
...............
Person z: We study something very similar, we should definitely come together and talk about our research. I am very happy to see someone else is also interested in this subject!!
capdeturc: Sure just email me here's my email address and my office is down stairs you can also pass by...
Well, two months later, I haven't had even a 5-minute coffee break with any of those people to whom I saw almost every day. Soon I realized that I had only a few weeks left and I was getting busier. So I started asking people whether they want to have lunch or coffee breaks following up what they have said. I got either no reply or some excuses... During those three months, I never got an invitation for anything but just one party.
capdeturc: I am going to give a 10 minutes coffee break would you like to join me so you can practice some Turkish (Am I saying something wrong here?) ?
Person y: Hmm, I can't now, (with a face gesture clearly overwhelmed with the busy calender) Is next Tuesday 5 o'clock good for you?
capdeturc: Hey, you said that we do research on similar things. Do you want send me your stuff or meet to talk about them?
Person z:Well, I am busy but if you are so interested in my work (His ego grows here!), I can email you when you are back to Barcelona.
Can you hear the tone in these replies? So patronizing! When I started asking them about coffee time, they made it a huge deal! If you are asking these people's time, then you are left to their mercy! If they feel sufficiently sorry for you, they can spare a coffee time next week for you!
Another time someone offered me a sightseeing in Philadelphia "whenever I want". Then once we set the date she gave me so many excuses and so little time for sightseeing almost it was clear that she regretted her offer... Another person wanted to write a paper with me, never wrote me even an email... etc etc.
So I complained about this pattern to a bunch of extremely careful and nice American friends of mine at Princeton. It could be all cultural. Two of them clearly said "When people say that they would like to have dinner with you, it doesn't mean that they are going to do! They might not even put an effort to make it real, they just say those things to please you at that moment". Good to know, isn't it?
And I just noticed that similarly people said it would be great to have BBQ on this weekend. And no one wrote to confirm later!
Then, what it all boils down to?
"Don't act on what people say that they would like to do until you see them doing it actually! "
A social scientist's note: I haven't observed such a fake enthusiasm among the older faculty or friends in general. Can it be an age- cohort issue?
-- UPDATE--
Three nice people while I was writing this post, send me emails saying that they want to come to the BBQ. I think it would be unfair if I didn't make this disclaimer.
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